Monday, October 11, 2010

Much reprieve...

Ok, so once again, I am claiming to be back. And I am.

I apologize to myself and others for the long pause. I was just...well...uninspired. But not because there isn't any inspiration out there, it is just hard to get the fireworks when personal life takes over and you have to be a mom first.

Do you really want to hear my story?

Short version (again)....

Married in 2002 because God had blessed me with a pregnancy and a shot gun wedding soon followed. Are you all catching me here? Yes, I was pregnant on my wedding day after only dating only 3 months. So, YES, I was easy. But, ready, nonetheless, to be a mommy and took it on like a professional. I had a wonderful intimate wedding, with a sweet little blessing growing inside of me. The only problem was, unbeknownst to me, was that I was marrying someone completely different than what I was led to believe. So, I kept on eating the right foods...completed grad school....helped my husband at the time renovate "our" house...and then my precious son came along. SKID MARK SOUND HERE.

My husband changed. Were there red flags? Of course there were. Did I choose see them? Of course not. I was going to make this work dammit!!! I had a baby.

Things got worse. The verbal abuse persisted. I was depressed. But I poured everything into my son. And maybe my ex resented me for it. Was I perfect...God no. However, I was working full time with an infant...he chose to call his sweet manager a name I would never repeat here and was fired from a wonderfully paying job. So I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and was continuing the path of a teacher, mommy, and...wife? Fast forward a few years. I had decided that I was done. I had prayed. I had asked for God to lead me in the right direction and it kept coming to having to leave my husband at the time. We decided to take a trip to try and see what happened. Well......I got pregnant again. This time with my precious daughter.
He did not want to be at her birth and left the hospital soon after she was born. I should have left since a series of events followed. But, understand every other weekend. That is the usual visitation schedule and to have them with him. Alone. For a long period of time horrified me. So the protectors us mothers are...I stayed.
On a beautiful fall day in late September of 2006, something happened that I won't repeat here, and I had to leave. A divorce finally snuck itself into the life I had not carved as a dreamy 28 year old I once was. Reality and God chose a different plan again.

Now move forward to November 2008. An angel came into my life. He was in the form of my NOW husband. He SAVED my dream. He was my dream. It was him I had always dreamed of. Sincere. Romantic. Father. Provider. And he loved me for everything I am and was. He taught me to sleep at night in peace. He taught me the love in which you look at him with your children and have to choke back the tears.
However, he has his ex, who to me is a beautiful woman to look at, but can be a anyway. She has not made the right choices for her children and it makes me very sad. She is currently living with her 22 year old, rapper, boyfriend. But who am I to judge? I wouldn't if the lifestyle didn't effect my step-children. But it does. So not only are we in court with his ex, we are taking my ex for non-payment of child support. LOVELY.
Thank GOD we love one another so much.

SOOOOO...that is why I took a break. To try and "find" me and what makes me happy. To focus on my family. And I am sure the long pauses will creep in now and again. I will still be "trolling" other blogs and observing in amazement as I always do.
I will be fine. All southern girls find their way...and with hair done and nails manicured. Right? Uh not this southern girl, but I will try my best.

Have a wonderful week everyone1
Much love,


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